Monday, June 17, 2013
Testimony by Kelly Crabb....
I tried to renounce being a Christian: My testimony
In 1983 we had a little girl born with Beckwith–Wiedemann Syndrome. On the day that she was born I was so angry and upset with God that I tried to renounce being a Christian. I had gone home from the hospital, walking in the door, I saw a little soup skillet laying in the floor. I went for a field goal, hoping that I would break my toes, it would have hurt less than the pain that I was feeling. In my mind the thought came, "If this is what it is to be a Christian, why don't you tell God to get the hell out of your life? You just want to be happy like everyone else." I said, good idea, "God, if this is what it is to be a Christian, I want no part of You, get away from me." Then the thought came,"Tell Jesus too," so I said,"Lord if this is what it is to be a Christian, I am sorry that I ever met You, get out of my life." Then, I heard stuttering in my mind, which I thought odd, of course, who stutters in their mind? "Go ahead, T, T, Tell, number 3 too." Immediately in my mind I saw a beam of light, like a floodlight coming through the clouds. Just when I thought that it was my imagination, I was lifted up into the air, though still in my living room on the first floor, and saw the light hit the rooftop. Immediately I was back in my living-room, and in my mind I saw the light hit the floor to my right side. Immediately I couldn't cry anymore. I yelled, "Leave me alone, have you seen my baby?" He said,"Kelly, I can't allow you to do that. Being 22, I said,"Oh yea, watch this." I could not speak a word. I opened my mouth, but could not speak at all. I said,"If you wont let me say it out loud, I am going to say it in my mind." He said,"Kelly, I can't allow you to do that, it is the only thing that I can't forgive you for." I didn't care, I was furious. So I tried again, and again, He would not let me put any words together at all. He said,"Put your daughter in my hands." Internally, I said,"Put her in your hands, you are God, you could have had her born normal." He said,"Can you heal her, can you take her home?" Funny, I was still calling Him Lord. I said,"No Lord." A ticker-tape ran through my mind with part A and part B of two verses,"Cast all your cares upon Him that careth for you, and the peace which surpasses all understanding will keep your heart and mind in Christ." I had perfect peace for the whole seven and a half months that Jessica lived. Even when they called us 4-5 times needing a verbal approval over the phone for emergency surgery to save her life, I had a totally uncanny peace, that let me know that everything would be all right. He gave me the ability to trust Him, even when everyone around me was crying and so upset. They would even ask me if I even cared about my own daughter. I said,"Yes, of course, but God has let me know that everything will be all right. I don't know how, but I just know that it will be okay." I never worried or shed a tear from that moment in my living room until I held my daughters body in my arms. Her little body was still warm. When I asked the nurse why she was still warm after dying 4 hours ago, she told me that her nurse had just laid her down a few minutes ago. She had been holding her in her arms for 4 hours after her death.
Yet, you will see her in Heaven, face to face Kelly - you and your beautiful wife! Imagine that!!! Blessings to you!!!
Friday, June 14, 2013
This is Jim Russels testimony....
How I found Jesus: A request for a bio has been asked: Here is my story about How I found Jesus:
My youth until the age of 69 was without Christ, or so I thought. After having been awakened by Christ at 69, the eyes of Jesus allowed me to see many things previously hidden from me. The most important realization was that an angel had been with me throughout my entire life, without my knowing.
Consider this scripture:
Hebrews 1:14 (NIV) Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?
This Word of God assures us that we do indeed have guardian angels, which I once thought was a 'fanciful tale.' At the time of my youth, I often thought I was "lucky," but as the years went on, misfortune after misfortune appeared and was brushed aside by "luck." I became suspicious, and then amazed. One after the other, I was rescued from relationships that would have put most on the street, homeless.
Finally, I joined the Freemasons, a fraternity that teaches morality and upstanding conduct, values taken from mainly the Bible. Their need beckoned to me, and I learned some teaching roles, memorized and then delivered at certain lodge proceedings. My contributions were well received, and over the years I learned more teachings, and eventually was elected Master of the Lodge in 1977. The teaching did me good, and making the mistakes that leaders made did me more good.
In a word, I was softened from the hardened-heart state, being prepared, unknown to me.
I moved to another state, and to another Masonic Lodge. This time, I resolved to take the lessons learned to heart, and again applied myself to learning Masonic morality, with a better heart. I was elected Chaplain, and received recognition for spiritual leadership of the lodge. The old heart was changing, I sensed, but did not know why I was unsettled.
Finally, my daughter suggested by mail that I come to Iowa and retire near her. I did, and there I joined a United Methodist Church. Interesting, I thought. A course offering eventually appeared, apparently on church basics, and I thought, "Why not?"
So I signed up for the course, and attended. That is the last week of existence for the old me. In a nutshell, as soon as I saw the other class members, I was stunned. Their faces shone with a radiance that captivated me. They spoke with a quiet sincerity and earnestness that held me so tightly that it hurt. In short, without understanding what they were talking about, this Jesus stuff, I was sold, and I wanted whatever it was that they had.
That night, I prayed, my heart full, to God above, hesitantly, and was answered in power and force such that it seemed winds were about to blow me away. I looked to see if the drapes were moving. No, they were still. A voice, not spoken, not in words, but felt, something primeval, ancient, and familiar.
I skip here to later, the next morning, and awakened to a new day, literally, and began to see everything as if I had never opened my eyes until this morning...
The rest is my journey in Christ, which I now share with my friends, especially with those also in Christ. You are most welcome to join me.
Much Love in Christ Jesus,
Galatians 2:20 I myself no longer live, but Christ lives IN me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. (NLT)
Good and upright is the LORD; therefore He instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble His way. All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep His way. All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep His covenant and testimonies.
But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in Heaven will forgive Your sins, too.
I urge you, first to pray for all people. As you make your requests, plead for God's mercy upon them, and give thanks.
For the Word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are. Nothing in all creation can hide from Him. Everything is naked and exposed before His eyes. This is the God to whom we must explain all that we have done.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
My dear friend--- Jason Mitchener had his funeral today-- my first one-- my first loss of a close friend or family. But Jesus sure was alive!! And after the tears first-- Jason made sure to send comfort thru the Holy Spirit to me!! He was an amazing soul here--- and an amazing spirit in Heaven-- singing his songs he wrote!!
Monday, December 21, 2009
My dear friend Jason Mitchener aka @jasonmitchener -- passed away late Dec 16th-- I went to visit him the 17th to find that out-- he was always one amazing soul-- so uplifting thru all circumstances-- who made dreams come true- not dwelling on his disease!! In this video-- I read one of his devotionals from the book he wrote-had published. Along with other talents just a few I talked about-- as well as funeral tomorrow at http://www.sunnyslopemennonite.org/ Dec 22nd 2:00pm Phoenix....
Friday, December 18, 2009
It is so hard to sit here and type those words for the title- but now I am trying to deal with reality- that he and I would talk about each time I went up to see him. We would sit there for 8-10 hours and talk about everything in life-- and he had one amazing life.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I'm going to boast about my weaknesses in the hope that you will see some of God's power.
My weakness began over 34 years ago when I was born with a rare neuromuscular disease called hypertrophic interstitial polyneuropathy, or Dejerine-Sottas. I won't go into the medical details except to say that the disease progressively weakens the muscles throughout my entire body. At the age of three, I began using crutches to walk. At fifteen, I started using a wheelchair.
Because I couldn't excel in athletics in school, I put my all into excelling academically. Academics became my whole purpose in high school. I was in several advanced classes and was involved in many extracurricular activities such as Future Business Leaders of America, Mock Trial Team and National Honor Society. I graduated in the top five percent of my class and was chosen by the school principal as the Most Outstanding Male Student.
In the fall of 1988, I began attending Arizona State University studying political science. College was a much different experience for me than high school. In college, I was living on my own for the first time in the dormitory. Whereas in high school I was very popular, in college I felt more like an unknown student among forty thousand other students. One thing that was a comfort zone for me was the ASU Baha'i Club.
For those that don't know anything about the Baha'i Faith, it is a religion founded in Iran in the 1800s. The main foundation of the Baha'i Faith is the belief in progressive revelation. Baha'is believe that God progressively reveals Himself through time by sending different prophets. Baha'is believe there have been nine major prophets, including Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Muhammad, and the founder of the Baha'i Faith, Baha'u'llah. Bahai's teach equality of the races, equality of the sexes and focus on a desire for world peace. I had been a Baha'i all my life.
One day in January of 1989, in my second semester of my freshman year, I noticed an old friend from high school standing near one of the campus organization information tables. As I was speaking to my friend, the people at the table invited me to their weekly meeting. The meeting was for Campus Crusade for Christ. Since I knew one of my friends from the dorm was in Campus Crusade, I decided to go with him to the meeting. I didn't really care for much of what was said at the meeting. I thought the people were a little too fanatical about Jesus Christ. But I liked the music and I got to see an attractive girl named Juliebeth from my American government class.
Every week after this, I would go the Crusade meetings to hear the music and see the girl. I thought they were very noble reasons for attending a religious meeting.
Until the age of nineteen, I had never heard the gospel once. Through Campus Crusade, I finally heard the gospel, the good news that Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay for my sins and that by believing in Him I would not perish but have eternal life. I probably heard the gospel 15-20 times during that semester, either at the meetings or in conversations with my Crusade friends.
When summer came, I still wasn't convinced of the truths of Christianity. A friend gave me two books and asked me to spend some time during vacation reading them and the Bible. The books were "Mere Christianity" by C. S. Lewis and "Evidence That Demands a Verdict" by Josh McDowell. Both authors wrote that Jesus claimed to be Lord. We can respond to this in one of only three ways: either Jesus was a liar, a lunatic or he was indeed Lord. Lewis and McDowell totally showed the weakness of the liar and lunatic arguments. In June of 1989, when I was reading this in my old bedroom at my family's house, I was only left with one conclusion- JESUS IS LORD! And being Lord, I needed to follow Him. So in my own simple, and at the time, intellectual way I became a Christian.
My first real trial as a Christian came only three weeks later. I came down with pneumonia and was admitted to the hospital. A few days later, I was much worse so they put me in the intensive care unit. As I struggled to breathe, I thought that my life was about to end. Tears ran down my face as I cried out to my newfound Lord, "Lord, I don't understand. I just became a Christian and you're taking my life already?" Not more than a week later, I was much better and back home. Soon, I began to rebuke myself for thinking I was going to die. But when I visited my doctor a month later his first words to me were: "When you were in the intensive care unit, we all thought we were going to lose you." This was only the beginning of God watching over my life.
When I got back to college for my sophomore year, I got very involved with Campus Crusade. I also started attending a church near campus. I was baptized at the church in February of 1990. In my junior year, I joined a small Christian fraternity at ASU and was later elected chaplain. During my years in college, Christian activity was the center of my life. I thought I was a "cream of the crop" Christian, but as I look back on it now I know that I lacked a serious, personal walk with God.
In December of 1991, I thought I knew God's will for my life. I planned on starting a performing arts ministry. This ministry would have singers, musicians, dancers and actors that would travel sharing the gospel. At the time it was just a dream but I sincerely thought it was God's will for my future. I started down this road by writing a play adaptation of a short story. My church decided to do this short play for Christmas and people volunteered to act in it. I was going to be the narrator and director. We had our first read-through of the play which went very well.
I never was able to do the play though because the night of the read-through I started having difficulty breathing. The next morning I was admitted to Maricopa County Hospital for pneumonia. Three days later I was rushed to the intensive care unit because I couldn't breathe at all. Doctors hooked me up to a ventilator through my nose. Over the next few days, I tried to wean off the ventilator but had no success. If the tube stayed in my nose much longer, I would have had major infection so I had a tracheotomy surgery performed. In this surgery, the surgeon cut a hole in my throat just below my vocal cords and then put the ventilator tubing through this hole.
After a few weeks in the hospital, I was transferred to Bryans Extended Care Center on Christmas Day. I often joke that I was the Bryans Center Christmas gift that year. And I'm sure several staff members wanted to exchange that gift. Over the next few months I tried to wean off the ventilator but I couldn't do it.
When I first was put on the ventilator, I totally gave up on God for six months. I never prayed. I never read my Bible. I watched television 14-16 hours a day. I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live either.
The Apostle Paul often describes the Christian life as a race. When I was put on the ventilator, it was as if a hurdle was put on the racetrack in front of me. God would have given me power to jump over this hurdle, but I listened to Satan's deceiving voice telling me I couldn't jump over the hurdle and should just give up the race. I gave up and fell flat on my face in the dirt. My Christian friends would visit me and try to encourage me as if saying "Jason, get up. The finish line is still ahead." I would ignore them because I was tired of running. One day God spoke to my heart and said, "Get up and run. The finish line is ahead." I answered, "God, you don't understand. I have a forty-pound ventilator on my back. How do you expect me to get up, let alone run?" God said in a gentle voice, "Jason, all you have to do is reach out your hand and I'll help you up."
Praise God, I listened and started the Christian race again. In September of 1992, I shared my testimony at my Southern Baptist church, Church on Mill. In the testimony, I spoke to those that were still running in the Christian race, those that had fallen somewhere along the track, and those that were still in the grandstands and had not yet entered the Christian race. We had an altar call afterward and at least one young lady responded. I watched as a deacon prayed with her and streams of tears ran down her face. To this day, I don't know who that young lady is or why she needed prayer, but I rejoice knowing my testimony may have ministered to her, that God showed His power in my weakness.
After the service, there was a long line of people wanting to talk to me. Five of these people, including the pastor, asked if I ever thought of becoming a preacher. I answered that God would have to call me first. That night, I pondered these Christians' words and decided to seek the Lord on the matter. A few weeks later I was reading my Bible and two verses seemed as if they jumped off the page. Now, I often say that it was as if God had taken a highlighter pen and highlighted the verses for me. I had read these verses before but now God was speaking them to my heart in such a way that was no less real than an audible voice from the clouds.
The verses are in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 …
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort; Who gives us comfort in all our troubles, so that we may be able to give comfort to others who are in trouble, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
God was telling me that day: "Jason, I comforted you in your time of suffering. Now, it is your responsibility to go comfort others with that same comfort." God gave me the call to preach, but at the time I wasn't given any more details.
Shortly before Resurrection Sunday in 1994, the staff at my care center asked if I would hold a Resurrection Day service for my fellow patients, many of whom could not get out to church. After praying about it and asking my friend Mathew if he would lead the singing I agreed. We had 35 people attend that service. We sang several hymns and I preached for about twenty minutes. The service went so well that we were asked to do church services every Sunday morning.
God had opened up a ministry for me, without any work on my part. In fact, I was a little confused at first because at the time my devotional life wasn't that great. God later showed me that He opened the door during my weakness so I could fully know that He started the ministry for His purposes and that His power would be shown despite my weakness.
I held services at my care center for almost five years, until the point where I felt called to attend church, rather than lead church. Through the services at the care center, God enabled me to minister to those that were hurting physically, emotionally, and spiritually. People saw me in my wheelchair and breathing through a ventilator tube but still preaching about the love of God. My physical weakness became a strength as people realized they too could have the joy of God, no matter the circumstances.
In January of 1998, my friend Mathew had found a way to get me to his church for some special meetings with a visiting preacher named Joe Tindall. Joe spoke on the subject of being lost. He preached about the lost sheep, the lost coin and the prodigal son. The Holy Spirit was convicting me throughout the sermon. For several months prior to this, I had allowed my walk with the Lord to almost virtually disappear. I would still preach on Sundays, but without a good walk with my Lord my sermons had no power. After the sermon, Mathew gave an altar call as we sang a hymn. Throughout the hymn, my flesh wrestled with God for control of my soul. My flesh seemed to be winning. The Spirit led Mathew to lead us in another hymn, "Rock of Ages." When we sang the words "foul, I to the fountain fly; wash me, Savior, or I die," God had won the wrestling match. When we finished the hymn, I spoke words similar to these before the congregation: "I'm foul and I want to fly to the fountain. Even though I preach every Sunday my heart isn't where it should be."
I praise the Lord that His fountain was available for me that night.
Over the last few years, I have focused on writing devotional messages which I send through an e-mail list This led to my devotional book “Just Passing Through: Notes from a Fellow Traveler” It is amazing how God uses the trials of my daily experiences to minister to others. I am blessed when my readers share how they were touched by something I wrote. And I'm thankful that God is using my weakness to show His power.
We all have weaknesses, whether they be physical, emotional, or spiritual. God's power can be shown in our weakness if we allow Him to work through us.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
All I can say... is a BIG AMEN!! Jesus Christ saved me when He died on the Cross for us all over 2000 years ago... but October seems to be an amazing, blessed month for me--thru HIM!!
He saved me in 2002, back when I didn't know Him. My ex beat me. I can go a little more in depth on this Blog, as for I was entitled this day to write one... and this is the day our Savior SAVED me from death in 2003. I feel He needs a little more in depth detail to tell all HOW AMAZING HE IS.
I went thru my first brain surgery August 7th, 2002. Was quite painful... and stressful. As for #1 I didn't know Jesus. #2 my husband then, ex now... and I really had a very tough relationship. Had since the get-go in 1996... but worsened as for he was so angry my illness interrupted his schooling. Wasn't my goal. We got pregnant in 2000--- and my seizures which used to be controlled, just skyrocketed. Now granted, we got pregnant, the night we were kindly planning another divorce. I looked at it as a reason to stay together-- he was so angry, as for he was stuck. And was in another relationship he had to break.
Had my brain surgery in 2002, because my seizures just would not be controlled by anything. Tried everything you can name. And ones that even thru me into a psych ward back in Alabama in 2001, as for they didn't know how to handle all that change from pregnancy there. I will say, changing meds back and forth does not make you the most pleasant being, seizing left and right doesn't help... while raising a baby while exhausted all by yourself, because your other half is stationed elsewhere... mind you are never able to talk, as for he was having another grand time with another woman as well. So, after my 1st brain surgery... he was given a couple weeks to come out to help take care of our baby, while I healed. Was just a living nightmare. #1 He had never been around her--so he didn't know how. #2 He had such little care for my pain, that checking on me was more than a task. #3 Began true thoughts of despair of what was going on--he had so much pinned up anger. But a couple weeks after, he went back to Texas where he was stationed. Allowed my time of rent to be lived out thru September in AZ-very gladly. Mind you.. I still didn't know Jesus. I just talked to myself--whatever "god" might be out there on rights and wrongs. We had already been thru so much I haven't listed on this part...such as adultery, many break-ups etc.. that this was just getting to be wearing. Especially when trying to recover, and raise this kid. But when time came-- Tory (my daughter) and I, got on the plane-- flew out to Texas. There, within 20 minutes he was saying such evil words-- like "if you don't like it here--you can go back, but Tory will stay...." WOW!!! Never expected. But we pressed on from Austin to Killeen. And wow... he just grew snappier. I know I wasn't perfect. But in the past days, there used to be this comforter in him. It was distinguished. Even after-mind you not quite two months after my brain surgery. And our beautiful kid-finally together. No.. did nothing. His anger grew more violent. This coming from the one who thru all this Jesus stuff in my face in 1996-unexpectedly. Took up to the fourth day that we were there- that I was sitting there in our living room- finally had an apartment... got our kid down late... it was 11 pm that I was emotional. Hoping he'd be his old self and come hold me, say we will all get thru it. I was sitting there listening to my good ol' Counting Crow's- and missed Phoenix and family. And he just looked at me in disgust and said he wasn't dealing with it-all I do is complain. WOW... I hadn't even said anything... just wanted a loving touching hand.. and anger grew and grew.. then he got louder.. and I had to remind him we have a child... he was so aggressive, that I told him I was taking the bedroom he could take the couch if he couldn't talk--he busted thru that bedroom door--knocked me down... pinned me down, and began the bruising on me from there. Was a nightmare!! We had no phone!!! The neighbor was Army too--and wouldn't let me turn him in...get help... I had to wait til the next day... to get down to the base to find a phone. Had to sleep with my car keys--as much as I REALLY SLEPT!!
AND WOW!! That is where God works. I was bawling with Tory in my arms on a calling card to a dear friend-AFAR--what to do?? And an Army Chaplain walked by--stopped watching me bawl--asking HOW HE COULD HELP!!??? So many on lunch breaks, and off to meetings, etc.. many just don't have time today--we are all just so booked, but this soul felt Jesus speak to him... the #1 I was in despair, #2 I needed some nudge to Jesus....
We tried counseling very short term thru him, as for my ex would not accept the fact that he beat me--even with the social services having taken pictures to prove it. My daughter and I up for hours for that--on base--and the Police Department. She was shaken... I sure was too. The despair of it was, as much as I love my family, they would not believe me--that he beat me, and he was kicked out of the apartment. So hard to deal with tragic reality. So between it all--it began a severe feeling of despair and loneliness- as for I still did not know Jesus yet. So who to pray to??
I talked to lawyers, to neighbors, on the phone to whom is my dear dear husband today... my neurologist-Dr. Drazkowski-(I still see and thank Jesus for today).... looking for answers. Just hadn't found one true answer yet... as for I began to reach for my Phenobarbital-seizure medication, take extra to ease and numb pain. Would pound a great handful fly in my car up to Austin--the city. I loved it-I love cities. And I had a family friend there we'd visit. He could see there wasn't something the same about me. Took several visits... and invited my now husband down to visit in Dec of 2002. Asking a neighbor to watch Tory---NIGHTMARE. #1 I felt it was all wrong somehow-- and was just in despair from all I was going thru... #2 popped sooo many of my pills surprised I am typing... but-- it led my family friend (my dad's best friend from high school-Bill) to call my parents and say "GET OUT HERE NOW---SHE NEEDS YOU!!" And they were on the first flight finally... as for it was a blessing--cause my ex picked up our kid--wasn't supposed to--and found which hospital I was at-even though he wasn't supposed to have Tory-nor be near me. Shoved me there inside the hospital in front of our one year old---led me to calling cops... but in perfect timing--praise God-- my parents walked in that hospital door-- and we all left... and came back to Arizona. My ex just dropped it all. As for he was off to Iraq... and just was about hurting... control. God was working....
This is what leads up to October 19th... A day I will never in my life forget, no regret, now. All the year of 2003 I had been searching for Jesus FINALLY in my life. Even while higher than a kite---HE INVITES ALL IN. And the Holy Spirit can still get thru to you!! I was trying to be hard hearted at first--but wow!! Just started to grasp me with amazement!!! Started dating my now amazing husband Christian Siebens, from afar....he was in Seattle. And Tory and I moved into our own little one bedroom apartment--she had the bedroom--I slept on the floor of the living room--with a TV no cable for her--and a lamp--no shade. Most awesome time of my life to be honest!!! I had off and on periods of popping way too many pills-was seeing an amazing psychiatrist for that at Mayo-Dr. Hanson-then later up thru today is amazing Dr. Stonnington. In July-then September of that year began seeing an AMAZING psychologist for people with seizures, strokes, etc... Dr. Sari Roth-Roemer--blessing and a half--who has helped me become so much of who I am today!!
I had been silent the whole time attending my church-Cornerstone Christian Fellowship, Chandler, AZ--but one day--in July of 2003, bit tipsy on too many pills again-at a church service-something spoke to me BIG. And made me look FINALLY for just ONE person to talk to--vent to. Ask questions about life, Jesus, what to do. And there was this lady I had seen almost every Sunday sitting pretty still as everyone was leaving--and I just chose her to reach to...my very dear friend and neighbor Karen. I reached to her BIG that night. Granted pretty tipsy, so God knows she was wondering what is up with this girl.. but she sure listened and reached out!!! And we kept in contact thru the year--she was like another counselor for me!! On biblical grounds. I truly today thank Jesus for her--she has helped me in so many ways-be a good mom, get thru hard points, she was my maid of honor. I am so blessed.
Had several overdosing stays in the hospital that year... but October 19th---why the date of this Blog meant so much to me is amazing---I argued on the phone with my ex on the 18th... and that argument just hurt. I had been saving my Phenobarbital pills--not taking them since August because I "hated" them. But not flushing them either in case of a "rainy" day. That argument felt like it was pouring. Denying he beat me--after apologizing a couple weeks prior. So psychologically confusing. So the next day... I popped half of my storage in the AM--went the the gym with my kid and friend, and his autistic kid. Hyper-drive started to kick in---walking straight lines weren't happening. Then.. began to feel the bit of downfall.. took it all.... 10,000 mg's... granted my body had grown pretty tolerant over the year. But I shouldn't be here typing. Led to us at the mall... me shopping like a bandit--for things I couldn't afford--and still have today to never forget. But it finally hit me--when I thought if I popped the ending of that bottle--I could just quickly go to sleep without feeling any type of fear first---I was wrong. And God gave me the feeling of regret--and fear. And I fortunately had my neurologists cell on program--like God knew this would occur. I hit the button in tears and asked what to do (best I could speak)---and he said to get there NOW. And sadly--I didn't just ask my friend to take us from the mall to that ER (30 miles)... no. I packed my kiddo up in my car... and said follow me to pack for my stay. And FLEW down the 40 mph street doing 80!!! TALK ABOUT JESUS' hand on us the WHOLE WAY...
My friend got us a sitter... and called my mom... and took me up to Mayo. And on the way--I remember nothing. I only remember when I got there--and they STAT put tube down me to pump my stomach-- just before I went into coma-- I asked Him to somehow give me another chance...and following--when I woke up in a room--I was still coming down off a high dose...but something still began to feel different. And I was still tipsy enough to not be embarrassed to call Karen, let her know how dumb I was--how amazing Jesus was. She was up in SECONDS!! That was when I was amazed at Christian friends who are there for you thru EVERYTHING!! She even had one of our very dear pastors come up to pray for me!! WOW--I had never been so touched in my life... that awesome Pastor Tom Stone was the same one who came to pray for me for my second brain surgery too... awesome friends thru Jesus I was learning!! WOW!!
And it all put me ONE FIRE FOR HIM!! I jumped in the Bible---and was amazed at how He spoke, and speaks to US. HE IS OUR SAVIOR ALL THE TIME!!! We have to see that!!
And I am still sitting here typing, blogging, tweeting, Facebooking, SKYPE'ing,, ning'ing, Lord... etc.. reaching now out to others... with epilepsy, domestic violence, depression, overdosage, suicide, etc... Most of all... those searching for Jesus. He has done nothing but brought so much good into my life... I learned so much thru it all---we need to forgive ourselves--knowing HE FORGIVES US FIRST!! (learned that thru my Bible study teacher Amy!! AMEN!!) And we need to forgive others... or we can't live a good life. I learned seizures worsen with me without forgiving others. Took me 4 years to forgive my ex--but it was an amazing feeling when I did.
He has brought so much joy and good thru all the tough times--as I found Him, trusted Him, walked tightly with knowing He has plans, and will not turn on me!! EVER!! And He hasn't -- has turned all this yuck into so much good-- and able to use so much I learned for His Glory!
With that... I have great news of my daughter being adopted by my husband-Christian Siebens @flyingchristian and @WorldVentures4U --whom she has always seen as her daddy-this coming year...and my 3rd brain surgery will be to come--to lessen medications!! He works wonders... even thru all the tough--leads to amazing good!!! We took the day my ex beat me and married that day in 2007---so it would always be a blissful day--not one to mourn over. And I always send my docs cards on Oct 19th--for helping thru Jesus to save my life!! (and I always buy a Starbucks cup--and my daughter clothes from Gymboree--as for that is what I did higher than I kite--I do it sane with happiness now!!)
Know you are wanted and loved by so many!! Jesus #1---family and friends and ME #2---never doubt that!! Jesus is always my Savior--your Savior-- always there to be our SAVE-YOUR :) Know that!! No matter what you are going thru or HOW you are going thru it--HE WILL GET YOU THRU IT--as you whisper to Him for His mercy and help!!!
In His Love,
My very first verse I opened to on my OWN when I really turned to Him after I exited Mayo Hospital---ALIVE!!!
Romans 4:18-19 AND...
Abraham NEVER wavered believing God's promise. In Fact, His faith grew STRONGER and in this he brought glory to God. He was absolutely convinced that God was able to do anything He promised. And because of Abraham's faith, God declared him to be righteous.
John 1:1-5 In the beginning the Word already existed. He was with God, and He was God. He was in the beginning with God. He created everything there is. Nothing exists that He didn't make. Life itself was in Him, and this life gives light to everyone. The light shines thru the darkness, and the darkness can never distinguish it.
Galatians 1:4 He died for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.